Music is the DEVIL!

I'm one of the folks who listens to just about every kind of music. As Mr. Nuts likes to say, "If its shit, Couch will listen to it." For the most part, he's right. I've actually made a point in my life of trying to listen to every kind of music before I judge its fate. However, for the most part, I've avoided rap. I grew up in the age of gangsta rappers and wiggers and more or less found the whole phase beneath me. So it wasn't until Eminem's third album that I actually found myself liking rap.

With the exception of Mr. Shady, I have avoided rap, hiphop, r&b, dance, and soul. So I decided to fix that. On a long day of driving across the state looking at jobs and picking up parts in Detroit, I placed my radio station on 95.5 and forced myself to listen to it all day. The results were little suprise.

While there were a couple of songs I did like, both featuring 50 cent(s?) oddly enough, most of it was shit to me. Gwen Stafani can take "rich girl" and "hollaback gal" and shove them up her ass. Who knows, maybe it'll make her recently enlarged boobs a little bigger. The "I'm so lonely" song, how in the fuck did that make radio play? It sounds like the goddamn chipmunks. I half expected to her the little arguemental interlude that comes with almost every song on the "Chipmunks Christmas special" where Alvin, Simon, and Theodore all fight amongst themselves and then settle their differences like good little chipmunks should and continue singing. And Beyonce? Mind boggling. So fucking so that I'm gonna go off on a little side tangent rant about her.

I work construction. It is a heavily white male populated industry. And not just any white males, construction attracts the crudest, most foul men you will ever meet. Hell, that's why I got in. Racism and sexism are probably its two biggest failings. So naturally I hear a lot of black jokes. Aproximately half (give or take a few) make general comparisons between American Psuedo-Africans (I'm sorry but your black, I'm white, deal with it. We don't need any more goddamn racial names.) and monkeys or chimps or apes, or some other form of primate. Now if you think about it, thats a hefty amount of jokes concerning monkeys. Beyonce, in her infinite black womenly wisdom, has decided to sing about it apparently. One of the lyrics to her songs is "Bananas' is B-A-N-A-N-A-S." To which she repeats about 342 times in her little 3 minute song. For one thing, songs that repeatedly inforce learning spelling words belong on CD's with a bunch of 7 yr olds, doing remixes of pop songs and calling themselves the Kidbop crew, not played on a radio station that caters to teenager on up. For two, Beyonce, you're black. You don't see me telling craker jokes, you telling monkey jokes probably isn't a good career move. And being that the larger majority of rap, hiphop, and r&b listeneers are black, it's amazing you haven't been stoned to death. (or at least gotten yo blak ass bitchslapped fo dissin da entire nation of da people yo). If I haven't made it clear by now, I find ebonics the single most retarded thing that such a large majority of a race could be attracted to. Oddly enough, more people follow ebonics then kwanza. *Couch shrugs. 'who knows?'

I did get to listen to the original version of "amish paradise." Kinda neat. I'd only ever heard the Weird Al version, which was definately an improvement. I was hoping to hear the "thong song" as I've only heard parody versions of it as well, but I guess one throwback was enough for the day.

Overall, while I do believe there are a couple good rap songs out there, most of it sucks. The station does highly improve my chances of hearing an Eminem song over the alternative stations I usually listen to. And who knows, maybe I'll learn how to pop a cap in someone's ass. At the very least, it's bound to improve my cracker-ass dance moves.