Trouble at the Bathhouse

Been a while since this site has seen activity. I thought I'd spice things up with a tale.

I went camping last summer. It was the typical County Park camping complete with forest, lake, campfires, and fresh air. The four elements of nature were well represented.

During the adventure, my family had an encounter with a woman. She was completely trashed out of her mind and was taking her kid to shit at the bathhouse. The bathhouse was closed for cleaning, usually takes about 15 minutes, and is an absolute nesessity. My mom, aunt, and cousin witnessed the events.

The woman asked if her kid could use the bathhouse since he "had to shit." The park ranger informed her it was closed for cleaning, and that the kid would have to wait. I have to imagine her drunken attitude had something to do with the denial. I would like to think had he been addressed by a young child squirming in discomfort, he would have been acomodating.

But in this case, he denied her. She threatened to have her boyfriend beat him up, with no success. The park ranger left her to finish his job. The women instructed her kid to shit in the flower bed next to the entrance. With couch like speed, he did. Then she began to pace, muttering.. "I should rub that shit in his face.. I should rub that shit in his face.." Several times she headed away, only to return continuing to mutter... "I should rub that shit in his face..."

She finally made her choice and ripped a leaf off one of the larger plants in the flower bed and picked up the shit. Then walked toward the door. When she got there, the quiet voice in her head that was all along trying to save that man's face finally had some effect. She didn't wipe shit in the man's face, instead she smeared it all over the bathhouse's glass door.

My mom gave in to fear at this point, riding away as fast as her bike would travel. My aunt and cousin stayed for the end and then reported back. By the time I got there, they had powerwashed the entire door, surrounding walls, and sidewalk.

Later, we learned that the park management, "didn't have the balls to throw them out." Basically it was a failure of humanity all the way around.

Despite this ordeal, I still had a fun camping trip.

1000XP.

PC Gaming is an Enigma

Here is an article copied and pasted from Twenty-Sided which I'm a big fan of. Shamus writes about video games and roleplaying games a lot. If I could could make him a board gamer on top of it, it'd probably be my home page. The following is an analogy about how a non-techie feels when trying to buy a graphics card for their PC:

Hey man, I need a new toaster. You know all about kitchen stuff. Have any suggestions?
The KitchenAid4000 series just came out.
Are those good?
I have a KA4510, and it’s really good.
Does it have 4 slots?
Oh you want 4 slots? Well, the KA4510 XN goes up to four slots, but it only toasts one side.
Let’s pretend I want to toast both sides.

Then you probably don’t want a KitchenAid. Their 4000 series 4-slicers aren’t very good. You could get one of the old KA3510 XN or XNS for cheap these days, but they take like, twenty minutes to toast the bread.
Er. What else is there?
The Cuisinart 7000 series is comparable to the KA 4000 series. The 7420, 7520, and the 7420 all do four slices. Just don’t get any of the SIP models because they can’t do bagels.
SIP?
“Slim Insertion Port”. The units are small, but only regular sliced bread will fit. KA has the same thing on many of their units. Actually, if you want to do bagels with a KA you’ll need the ASI units.

Which is?
“Adaptable Slot Interface”. It just means it can handle bread of varying widths.
So I should get a Cuisinart ASI?
No no no. That’s nonsense. In Cuisinart the units all handle wide bread unless they are SIP.
My head hurts. So I want a Cuisinart 7000 series, but not a SIP, right?

Pretty much. Now, the 7000 series is actually two generations. You don’t want anything before the 7400, because the pre-7400 units actually took up two wall plugs. The 7100 and 7200 four-slotters were actually two dual-slot units strapped together, so they had two cords. Plus, they didn’t have a timer so you had to stand over them yourself.
All I want is to toast bread! Four slices! Both sides!
Then the C7520 T series is for you. You can pick one up at Wall-Mart for about $400 these days.
FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS! I could buy an oven for that! I could just go out to eat every morning for that kind of money!
Ah, if you’re worried about price then the KitchenAid 4510 ES is a good pick. It’s only got three slots but it’s retailing for about $90.

I’m looking in the Wal-Mart flyer, but I don’t see that model.
Sure you do. Right here: The “Magitoast 7″. See how underneath it says “KA4510 Ex”? That means it’s the KitchenAid 4510 ES or the KitchenAid 4510 EP, just with a brand name slapped onto it.
…?
KitchenAid and Cuisinart don’t actually sell models directly. They make the insides parts of toasters, then other companies buy them, put the fancy shell on them, and give them a new brand name. But if you want to know what you’re getting, you have to look at which design the unit is based on.

Ah! I get it! Then why don’t I get this “TastyToast 2000″, which is like that 7520 you mentioned earlier. This one is only $50.
Er. That’s not the same thing. That’s a 7520 OS. The OS means “One Slice”. Total bargain unit for suckers. Some goes for the 6000 series and anything with a MRQ after it.
You know what? I’ve decided I don’t want toast anymore. I’m switching to breakfast cereal.

Good article. He writes more after this for those of you who want to go forth and check it out.

Evolution Appears! Command?

We knew this day would come. One species was destined to rise up and take over, dethroning humans from our place at the top of the food chain. The first step in the process has begun: Immortality. I for one embrace our new underwater overlords.

In other news, I've pinpointed a few specific people who should be killed. Not by me, heavens no! That would be illegal not to mention arguably unethical. Let me show you some pictures:

Chad from the Alltel commercials. Smarmy little prick with froofy hair. This guy is from those commercials where the stupid, ugly, nerdy guys are falling all over each other's cocks trying to compete with suave, trendy Chad and Alltel. STOP IT.

You and your god-awful makeup are quirky, awkward and FUN! We get it. You're weird! Climb back up the ugly tree where you came from. And quit trying to sell me car insurance. I don't identify with you, unless by 'identify with you' I mean want to set you on fire and watch you run around in little circles and fall down into a little smoldering pile. Then yes, I totally identify with you and feel comfortable about purchasing insurance from your company.

Also, fuck Jet's Pizza.

Allow me to shift gears and ask all of my Christian readers to pray for an Arizona Cardinals victory on the upcoming Sabbath day. I will likely be praying to Cthulhu, the Great Old One who lies beneath the sea, waiting until the stars line up just right, releasing him from his slumber to wreak havoc upon this green planet of the clocks once more.

That's right, kids. This blog is your one-stop shop for jellyfish, sports, bitching and Lovecraftian rantings.

What Sucks Ass about D&D 3e Combat

I absolutely hated this aspect of the 3rd edition combat rules.

Happy Thanksgiving, fuckers.

The Power of Sprit Healing

The music just plain works.