Thursday, January 29, 2009

Evolution Appears! Command?

We knew this day would come. One species was destined to rise up and take over, dethroning humans from our place at the top of the food chain. The first step in the process has begun: Immortality. I for one embrace our new underwater overlords.

In other news, I've pinpointed a few specific people who should be killed. Not by me, heavens no! That would be illegal not to mention arguably unethical. Let me show you some pictures:

Chad from the Alltel commercials. Smarmy little prick with froofy hair. This guy is from those commercials where the stupid, ugly, nerdy guys are falling all over each other's cocks trying to compete with suave, trendy Chad and Alltel. STOP IT.

You and your god-awful makeup are quirky, awkward and FUN! We get it. You're weird! Climb back up the ugly tree where you came from. And quit trying to sell me car insurance. I don't identify with you, unless by 'identify with you' I mean want to set you on fire and watch you run around in little circles and fall down into a little smoldering pile. Then yes, I totally identify with you and feel comfortable about purchasing insurance from your company.

Also, fuck Jet's Pizza.

Allow me to shift gears and ask all of my Christian readers to pray for an Arizona Cardinals victory on the upcoming Sabbath day. I will likely be praying to Cthulhu, the Great Old One who lies beneath the sea, waiting until the stars line up just right, releasing him from his slumber to wreak havoc upon this green planet of the clocks once more.

That's right, kids. This blog is your one-stop shop for jellyfish, sports, bitching and Lovecraftian rantings.