Woooshhh

So I was driving home the other day talking with Snocone on the phone when the topic of talking on the phone while taking a dump came up. I'm a big fan of this. I do it to people all the time and always love hearing the disgust in their voice right after I flush. I don't typically spend alot of time on the toilet so its pretty easy for me to have an entire conversation that lasts longer then the time it takes me to drop the kiddies off at the pool. Occassionally, I'll sit and relax for a bit. Like if I have a good book to read or if I brought my laptop in. Then, I'll do my business and just sit and waif in the smell of my muchness while I chat with people on Facebook or type up a rant (like I am doing at this exact moment.) Anyways, our conversation led to how comfortable a toilet seat can be and just turned dark from there.
I think the reason the seats are so comfortable is the hole in the center. My junk can just hang free like the little baby Jesus intended. And my tailbone doesn't get pushed up against anything. If you ever notice those pads they have for office chairs, they always come in a doughnut shape. It's just simple ergonomics. The best toilet seats are the ones with the padding. The little cusion on them that makes a wooooshhh noise when you sit down. They are great. So comfy. Just have to make sure some asshat doesn't pee on them. The wet spots and yellow urine stains will take out every ounce of comfort.
One of the best parts of the woooshhh seats is the just that, the woooshhh. It's purely accidently where the woooshhh comes out at, but it is due to the compression of air escaping thru whatever whole the vendor put in the seat. 9 times out of 10, that hole face towards the back of the toilet or out one of the sides. But every once and awhile you get lucky. When the hole is in the back of the seat facing in towards the middle is when you can possibly experience one of lifes little pleasures. The blowing of air on your scrotum. Everybody loves a nice breeze down below. Its refreshing and helps to counteract all the sweaty buildup and funk smell that gets down there from having your junk all bunched up in a pair of pants. God doesn't want you to crunch your junk. He wants it to hang free. Thats why Adam wore a leaf.
I think I'll invent a seat that purposely blows air on my nuts every time I sit down. That would be awesome. You could even scent it. Make the funk a little fresher. Maybe a lilac or vanilla scent. Or lemon... Everybody loves lemon balls.