Jesus Was A Gamer... Part 1

Evening ya'll. I have just spent the last five days in Milwauki, Wisconsin. Along with Jim B. Ellis and Bryan Maxwell. This is a chronical of our trip to the best of my memory. There are parts that may entertaining but theres also a lot of it that will probably bore you. There is no punchline. It's just history. Nothing more.

Tuesday:

Tuesday night, me and Bryan met at my house around 6 as planned. Jimbob is always late so at about 6:30 or so I called his house. His mom said he'd already left. Shortly thereafter, Jimbob called. He was out with Lorrie. Fucking Jimbob. So me and Bryan went and got supplies. Twinkies, HO-HOS, mt. dew, keylimes, tomatoes, green chips, pretzel rods, all the important stuff. Then we went to Garfields to eat the rest of Jimbobs food, but the bastard had ate it all. He hadnt even left us a french fry. Whore. We sat and talked for a while. I think I burned any parts of a bridge that I had left with Lorrie, but she'll get over it. I left to go finish some blueprints. Bryan and Jimbob went to Bryan's house and fucked the hostages. When I finished with the prints I joined them. We even popped out a old lady's eyeball and skull fucked her. Bryan enjoyed it so much that at some point I agreed to leave him my eyesocket in my will. I'm gonna leave the eyeball to just in case he needs a little extra lubrication, he can just pop it. oh, and I think we watched lord of the rings to. A some point during the night, Stacey called me. I didn't know what she said.

Wednesday:

We got up. Got some gas. Went to four different banks. Got so food at the Wadhams Mcdonalds. And were on our way. Bryan took the first shift driving. Jimb sat in back and played on his laptop. I fell asleep in the front. We stopped somewheres before Chicago. Went pee and fucked another one of the hostages. My turn to drive. This time both Bryan and Jimbob played video games in the back. At some point, while driving thru chicago Mr. Corn Guy decided he wanted to switch lanes. Unfortunately for us, we were in the lane he wanted to be in. Aparrently we were also in the spot he wanted to be in. And as we drove along on the shoulder of the road, between the concrete wall and Mr Corn Guy, he never stopped talking on his fucking cell phone. The car behind us was kind enough to let us back into our lane. Very conviently Mr Corn Guy had a phone number on his truck. 1-800-CORN GUY. I threw my cell phone at Jimbob and he called the company up. For those of you who have ever had the pleasure of listen to Jimbob order a pizza, you can easily imagin how nutz this conversation was. By this time Mr Corn Guy was no longer anywheres near us. And the lady on the phone asked if we had gotten his plate number. "Bob" smiled his fortune down upon us and delivered Mr Corn Guy back to us again. He came up from behind us, a few lanes over and passed us. He was still on his cell phone. I think he lost his job that day. I was happy again. Complete. Shortly there after Stacey called again. I let her talk to Jimbob, becuase, as Mr Corn Guy found out, chicago is a good place to hang the fuck up and drive. Stacey told them that I was a bad driver, but they backed me up saying that I had just avoided an accident. I am Jack's bleeding heart. We got out of chicago. Got gas. Fucked some hostages. And Jimbob started driving. Me and Bryan sat in the back and played video games. I called Stacey back. Asked if she had called me that morning cuz I couldnt remember. She said she had and that she had told me that she had seen a line. I told Bryan and Jimbob what she said. Bryan gave me a congrats and said something about timing. I agreed. Jimbob didnt know what the fuck it meant. I played warcraft 3. very nutz game. but not as good as warlords battlecry. We passed the ceese castle, and vowed that since this was our last year in milwauki we'd check out the fucking thing. Jimbob got us to our hotel safe and sound. We checked in. Went to the convetion center, got our badges, and moved our shit up into the room. We played some warlords. Got dinner at subway. And threw key limes at a pigeon sitting in its nest a few floors below us. I think at some point we went to bed. I didnt sleep so Jimbob took my bed. And I played the Sims all night.

I'm going to stop here becuase Im sick of typing. I'll right some more tommarrow.