Fashion Faux Pas

Okay. So I am at the mall. And out of nowhere this fairly overweight man (I'm guessing 320)comes walks by wearing capris. At first glance I thought it was a woman becuase of the size of his S.M.B.'s (saggy man boobs). But the beard kinda threw that out. Then I thought, well maybe he is gay. But there was his equally enlarged wife standing next to him holding his hand. On his right ankle he had a silver, lace-like ankle bracelet like the kind a 13 year old girl might wear. I was stunned. Confused as to how this abomination had made it this far in life without being killed by the fasion nazis. So I went to Shawn.

Shawn is gay guy. I figured, that being straight up gay, he might be able to shed some insight on this strange and bizaare phenomenom. After over and hour of discussion we came to the conclusion that the man was niether gay nor straight. He was a female transexual who had somehow had the fasion sense parts of his brain removed.

You see a straight guy would know that capri's look like shit on women, so that they would really look like ass on a guy. Also, you'd never catch a straight guy wearing frilly ankle bracelet. They make ankle bracelets for guys. That wasn't one of them.

A gay guy would know that while an outfit consisting of capri's and a frilly ankle bracelet could be done. It can't be done on a 320 pound man.

Even a crossdressing male would know to at least shave off the beard.

Somedays, I just don't understand people.

People wearing capri's period should be captured on sight in my opinion. Take them out back. Grab a meat cleaver and chop just above and just below there ankle. Then just sew it all back together so there pants fit them right.

I see women wearing flip-flops a lot lately. What the fuck? Flip-flops are okay if your at the beach. Or maybe even if its warm out. This here is fucking Michigan. It snowed last week. And people were wearing fucking flip-flops. I don't watch TV so if some can tell me that TV is where all these fucking morons are getting there inspirations from let me know. Cuz I just don't fucking get it.

Thong socks. Another concept I dont understand. I love it when my wife wears a thong. I know its uncomfortable. I wore a male thong once (it even had the "penus pocket"). Fucking uncomfortable as can be. But it shows off your ass. And my wife has a perfect ass. Why then would someone want to wear a thong on there feet? It's not gonna be comfortable. And no matter how fucking perfect your feet are it will still look fucking retarded.

Those elastic cami tops. The ones that are tight just under the breasts and fall loose after that. Women. Hello. THEY MAKE YOU LOOK FAT! Doesn't matter wether you are or not. You still look like you eat a dozen donuts for lunch each day.

Now, I'm not a fasion expert. I don't read Vogue to see what the latest trends are. My wife watches the TLC show "What not to wear" and I have seen a couple episodes of it but only when I'm not fully absored into a video game or writing a rant. (very rare indeed). All of the above opinions are based on two things. What I can see with my own goddamn eyes, and common fucking sense. So if your are one of these fasion faux pas's please remedy it quickly becuase we are laughing at you.