Flawed Entertainment

Movies:

- Don't try to decieve your audience. If you look at the cover of the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind DVD, you'll see Jim Carey making a funny face with the exclamations proclaiming that the film is "FUNNY!" Just who in the hell found this movie funny I'll never know. This is one of the most depressing films I've ever seen in my life. Looking at the cover, I expect to see a film with funny faces, zany situations and wacky hijinks, someone winding up covered in shit and probably a fake penis somewhere. Packaging movies in this way is about as criminal as goddamn Veggietales.

- Enough with the goddamn remakes and send-ups of TV shows. Jesus fucking christ. Between these atrocities and film sequels, originality is alarmingly low. The fact is, this shit keeps getting made because audiences are dumb enough to keep going to watch it. Consider the following entries in the Top 25 Domestic films year to date:

Star Wars III, War of the Worlds, Mr &Mrs Smith, Batman Begins, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Fantastic Four, Constantine, The Longest Yard, The Ring Two, Herbie, Sin City, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Miss Congeniality 2. Recently we've also seen Bad New Bears, Starsky and Hutch, Bewitched, and Dukes of Hazard.

Not all of these are bad movies. Some sequels like Star Wars are a given, and some like Sin City and Constantine come from source material that translates well into movie form. Then you have the shitty remakes where you take an old movie or show, plug in some big name actors, write a script while you're on the toilet and *plop!* out comes a $100 million film. It's hard to get excited about movies these days. I'm looking forward to seeing Harry Potter IV and Walk the Line and looking forward to NOT seeing the live action remake of Charlotte's Web. Is nothing sacred???

Music:

-If you like Gwen Stefani, you are dumb. Sorry, truth hurts. If you think you aren't dumb, I challenge you to read the following lyrics without hanging your head in shame:

Gwen Stefani: As dumb as her fans?

Uh huh, this my shit
All the girls stomp your feet like this
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl

Let me hear you say, this shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S
This shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Again, the shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S
This shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S

A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl [2x]

Oooh, this my shit, this my shit [4x]

Truth in advertising: Gwen Stefani saying "This is my shit."


Video games:

- An XBox controller has a total of 10 buttons, 2 analog sticks and a D-Pad. If you don't give me a tutorial for your game regarding the use of all those buttons, the game has one strike against it from the outset. If you don't include a tutorial and make that tutorial skippable, you're shitty.

- Don't give me AI controlled teammates unless they're only there to carry my luggage. If you give me computer-controlled party members, you'll fuck it up. I'm turning the game off. I want to play, not watch the game play against itself. I'm looking at you, Dungeon Siege, Neverwinter Nights and X-Men Legends.

- Either let me save at any time or at least make save points very frequent. If I need to quit playing, I shouldn't have to play for another 20 minutes to reach a save point. Shame on you, Final Fantasy.

Thank you and goodnight.