Buffalo Night at the YMCA

Recently, I started working out. The interest came about after all the work I did while helping to open up Hardcorp Fitness. To get things clear, I have NO desire to look like Arnold. However, the more feral sides of my personality seem to be taking an immense pleasure in it. So for the time being, I will continue.

A little over a month ago, YMCA called us up saying we had won a free 2 week pass. When we got there it turned out to be an advertising scam (which is what I had expected). You could either take the 2 free weeks or trade them in for a reduced membership. The reduced membership rate was $37 a month for the family. The catch was that you had to make the decision right there. Well, Stacey decided she wanted to work out, and with the discount that we would get on daycare, I figured the savings alone would almost pay for it.

Well, eventually, after much nagging, she convinced me to go and work out too. So last Saturday, I did. And oddly enough, I actually enjoyed it. I loved the physical exertion. And I also loved watching the asses of all the 18-25 year old hotties in the mirrors. A good hard time was had by all.

Thursday, I went again. In the evening. Apparently, Thursday is Buffalo Night at the YMCA. All the young hot girls were gone and replaced by type E and D men and women. All wearing greasy sweat pants and sweaty tight fitting T-shirts. I've never seen a larger collection of whales in all my life. The thundering of these behemoths on the treadmills is a sound I will not soon forget. For the WoW players, think Kodo's. It was awe inspiring and thoroughly disgusting at the same time. So that's where I came up with the idea for a new type of gym. Well a few new types to be exact.

Now I'm all for people getting themselves in better shape and losing weight. It improves self esteem. And as of recently, I've had just about as much of low self esteemed people as I can take without putting one out of their misery. However, I have no desire whatsoever to watch these people lose weight. It's kind of a turn off for stuck-up snobby assholes like myself. So here's what I envision...

We create a Gym designed just for fat people. Skinny people aren't allowed. The isle ways are bigger. The benches are better reinforced. The stalls are wider. This place will be home to the best workout a grossly over weight person can find. Now I'm not talking about the women who think they are fat becuase they weigh 200 lbs. I'm talking about the mammoths of the world. The 300lbs+ people. The people that if they get much fatter, will have to be hauled out of there houses on a flat bed. My wife thinks that its important for overweight people to see skinny people to set their goals. Whatever. But we can put posters of sexy male and female models all over the walls. We can even put those funny mirrors like they have at the circus that makes everyone look tall and skinny. It'll be like Curves, except for fat people instead of just women.

Next we create a middle heavy weight gym. For those who aren't really truly obese, but ain't skinny either. For the guys with the beergut and the women with two or three. This is like an intermittent step. More focused on proper dieting then trying to lose a couple hundred pounds. Still have the same sexy models plastered on the walls, though by now we can probably dump the skinny mirrors. We could even open this one up to skinny people who are married/dating/friends of members and give buffalo people an occasional tour to see what they have to look forward too.

Finally, we create a skinny people only gym. To get in you must be deemed height/weight proportionate. (this also means that anerexics will have to spend some time at Mcd's in order to be allowed on the premises.) Only skinny people will be allowed memberships though middle heavy weight members may be given occasional tours and such. Then I will be able to look at all the hot women's nice tight asses again. And then a good hard time will be had by all or at least me, and that's all that really matters anyways.