Cable Guy Life: "I wanna remote!"

So here it is ten to noon on a Saturday and I'm doing Jagerbombs. I love my day off. Figured I'd reminice about a job I did yesterday while its still fresh in my mind. I bitch a lot about old people and cable. Thats becuase some of the fancier cable toys like internet, DVR's, and digital phone are often too complex for them, and since customer education is one of the biggest parts of our job, old people are a pain in the dickhole. Until yesterday I thought old people were the worst. I was wrong.

I get ahead of schedual around noon and picked up three easy jobs. Basic/standard hookups. That means no special equipment. Its just your TV and my cable line. In other words, no education required. The first one went perfect. In and out in 15 minutes. $11 to me.

On the second one, at about 2:30, I called the customer to let him know I was about 10 minutes away. He said he was on his way back and would be there in a bout 15 minutes. I got there about 2:40, hooked everything up from the outside and was done by 2:45. At 3:00 the mother fucker finally showed up. His car died in the parking lot and I helped push him into a spot. And then he says "just a minute I have to get the keys" and goes walking off without signing my stuff. FUCKER! 25 fucking minutes later and several unanswered phonecalls he returns. And then signs my stuff at 3:30. A very long $11 to me.

On the third one it was an elderly retarded couple. By retarded I mean actually short bus ridin, window lickin, "I got mail YEAHHHH" retarded. The woman was a squasher. The male was in a wheel chair. I was holding my clipboard and reached out to shake his hand when I realized he didn't have one. Just a stump. This after just finishing a conversation with our dispatch supervisor about how guys with no hands are better at fisting. BLEAHHH! That was awkward. So I do the install. Have to run all new lines. And the lady asks for a remote. We do have universal remotes. They work with our digital and DVR boxes. On a TV they only turn it on and off, adjust the volume, and sometimes will change the input source. They will not, under any circumstance change the channel on a TV or VCR.
"They said you have remotes. I wanna remote for my TV."
"Ma'am, our remotes don't control TV's."
"They said you have remotes. I wanna remote for my TV!"
"I can't help you ma'am."
"I WANNA REMOTE! I wanna remote for my TV and I wanna watch movies on my vcr."
"Well I can set up your VCR, but I don't have any remotes for either your TV or your VCR."
"I WANNA REMOTE! I WANNA REMOTE!" etc etc etc.

Needless to say I didn't get a tip.