Rent an Alright Guy

Whilst surfing the internet today, I found an interesting site called "Rent a German". And I was inspired. I looked around and found that this guy has already had over 200 customers. And at those prices he's making a killing. I guess originally the site was put up as a hoax but he had so many requests for germans that he decided to make it legit.

Now I've met a few germans. And while some of them were especially nutz (such as Hannes Jones) most of them had the personality of a bag of wet hair. That and the german language is about as far from ear-pleasing as it gets. Hell, I'd find ebonics and klingon more romantic. "Smoke muh ma fuckin jimmy slap mah fro!" or "Hab SoSlI' Quch!" See, way more romantic then "Gehen Sie saugen meinen fetten Hahn!" That just plain sounds mean and hateful. So I figured, we're Americans. We are the land of opportunity. And when opportunity knocks, you can bet your ass I am waiting there with my shotgun pointed at the door.

So with out further ado, I welcome you to "Rent an Alright Guy!" Thats right, for only a small non-negotionable fee, you too can have your very own Alright Guy for a day. You can enjoy his/her rants and ramblings for as long as your willing to pay for in the privacy of your own home. Some of the A.G.'s even come with other useless talents. For example:

Having problems with you programming homework? We can send you Jimbob who is a master computer programer. (How else do you think he got a square ass?)

Going to a trivia game night? Well then Mr_Nuts is the A.G. for you. His knowledge of useless shit is one of the best in the business. (And he's kind of scary looking. Very intimidating.)

Need a hot date? Well then Mista Collins is our resident pimp of the nation. He can treat you to a fine nite of dinner, dancing, and whatever else your heart desires. (He may be bisexual as well for you guys out there, we have neither confirmed nor disproven this yet.)

Want someone to argue with or for a debate? Well then, our AG 2nd In Command is the guy for you. He loves to argue and debate logically. (Just don't ask him to debate the good points of M$)

Want you psychological profile done or need sex advice? Well maybe Couch can help you out. He's just short of his masters in psychology and is specialized in human sexuality. (He can repair/fix things too, but don't tell him I told you so.)

Need someone "taken out"? Well we have Paul, who's a government military trained brute, who can kill without even blinking an eye. (I think he fixes cars too.)


All this and more can be yours with just a touch of a button and a credit card. Please make all payments and donations to couchbob@gmail.com via paypal. Thank you for your support. And make sure you treat your Alright Guy with care. We don't want to have to send Paul out to bring them back.