Sex Laws

Here is a short list of strange facts involving sex that I found interesting.

1. In the state of Texas it is a misdemeanor if two men engage in oral and/or anal sex. Yet, the same law does not apply to men and women engaging in the same activities with each other. (Says a bit about our president)

2. In Bakersfield, California, anyone having intercourse with Satan must use a condom. (An asbestos one I presume.)

3. In 1609, a doctor named Wecker (rhymes with?) found a corpse in Bologna with two penises. Since then, there have been 80 documented cases of men similarily endowed. (Gives a whole knew meaning to double fucked.)

4. In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

5. Men say the average erect penis is 10 inches. Women say it's 4 inches. (The truth is closer to 6.5 inches.)

6. In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish. (Apparently it's OK for woman, which might explain the smell.)

7. A honeymooning couple are suing Holiday Inn for $10,000, claiming their sex life is now dysfuntional becuase an employee mistakenly walked in on them on their wedding night. (When they could have just spilt hot coffee in his lap and gotten $2.9 million.)

8. No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth. (This should be a constitutional amendment.)

9. England's King Edward VII, a man of considerable heft, had a special table built so that he could comfortably engage in sexual intercourse. (It's good to be the king.)

10. Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms. (If she can smoke, I should be able to drink.)

11. It was considered elegant for aristocratic ladies of the 16th century to let their pubic hair grow as long as possible so it could be pomaded and adorned with bows and ribbons. (I can't imagine pulling a 8 inch peice of pubic hair out of my teeth... nor do I want to.)

12. Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown if they're nude. (Wohoo, just make sure you keep your shoes on and your in the clear.)

13. 60% of men and 54% of women have had a one-night stand. (And thats just what they are admitting too.)

14. In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds! (First on the list for places not to go on a honeymoon.)

15. In the state of Utah, sex with an animal, unless performed for profit, is not considered sodomy and therefore is legal. (I always thought mormans were kind of funny.)

16. The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts. (Second on the list for places not to go on a honeymoon.)

17. Women can sell items and be topless in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores. (What is it with women and fish?)

18. An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer! (MMMMM, Pussy with a side of ham.)

19. In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property. (I wonder what the punishment is. "Sorry piggy, looks like you get to be bacon sooner instead of later.")

20. A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts. (Glad my last name isn't Baator.)

21. As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisianna, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Washington D.C. (Explains a bit more about politicians, but what I don't get is why a Minnesota woman can use a live fish, but not a dildo.)

22. In Romboch, Virginia, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity with the lights on. (That's becuase most of them only have summer teeth. Summer here. Summer there.)

23. An 18th century French prostitute could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera. (Not much choice there, I'd take the punishment hands down.)

24. In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male." (So why aren't they allowed to walk the streets nude?)

25. While not as extreme as the ancient Israelite punishment for adultery (stoning), Greek men still had their fair share of discomfort when their pubic hair was removed and a large radish was shoved up their rectum. (Nowadays, its just 75% of everything you'll ever own for the rest of your life. I think I prefer the radish.)

26. It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate. (Yet they had laws against dildos?)

27. In Harrisburg, PA it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a tollboth. (I think thats why most trucks have beds in them nowadays as a tollboth isn't exactly my first choice.)

28. A law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing. (Ouch! These pasties hurt!)

29. In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife. (But she can talk dirty all she wants.)

30. Anywhere in the U.S., it's illegal to use any live endangered species, excepting insects, in public or private sexual displays, shows or exhibits depicting cross-species sex. (Insectophiles apparently were successful in their lobbying efforts.)

31. In Texas, sixteen-year old divorced girls are prohibited from talking about sex during high school activities. For everyone else it's apparently okay. (And you people elected a Texan to run our country?)

32. Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term. (A damn good reason to move to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho.)

33. The T'and Dynasty Empress Wu Hu passed a special law concerning oral sex. She felt that a woman pleasuring a man represented the supremacy of the male over the female. Therefore, she insisted all visiting male dignitaries show their respect by pleasuring her orally when meeting. The empress would throw open her robe and her guest would kneel before her and kiss her genitals. (It's good to be the queen.)

34. In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in. (Now that's my kind of lunch break.)

35. In Florida, having sexual relations with a procupine is illegal. (Now that's one devoted masochist.)

36. Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio - a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!" (It so much easier to just wait till she sits down.)

37. No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed. (Now I know mormans are fucked up.)

38. It is illegal for any member of the Nevada Legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session. (Hurray for politics)

39. In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property. (And they call themselves the Motor City, ha.)

40. In Buckfield, Maine, no taxi driver "will be allowed" to charge a fare to any passenger who gives him sexual favors in return for a ride home from a nightclub or other "establishment which serves alcholic beverages" or any "place of business selling liquor." (I'm moving to Maine. I here they are currently hiring taxi drivers.)