Why are you so gay?

God it's hard to convince myself to write this. It has plagued my brain for about a week now and I keep putting it off becuase I really don't want to write anything. This time of year is always shitty for me and it is very hard to motivate myself into operation. Today was my daughter's 2nd birthday, so in honor of that and becuase if I don't force myself to write something I'm going to fold up and fall off the face of the earth, I figure I'll write this.

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About a week ago, I was having a conversation with JK about her cousin. His name is Michael. He got married last Saturday. Congratulations Michael. He got married to a wonderful bride by the name of Mike. Some names just flow together. Good and Plenty. Ike and Mike. Mike and Mike. Just rolls right off the tongue. If a good flowing set off names means anything now days, then I'm sure they'll do great together.

But that really wasn't what the conversation was about. You see, Michael used to be straight. He was your everyday, normal straight male. He acted like a straight guy. He talked like a straight guy. Hell, he probably even walked like a straight guy. Then he became gay, and he no longer acted like a straight guy. He no longer talked like a straight guy. He probably even stopped walking like a straight guy.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against homosexuals. If I didn't have such an aversion to human feces, I'm positive I would've tried packing the fudge at least once. I have several friends who are gay, lesbian, bi, in the closet, out of the closet, transvestite, transexual, try-sexual, swingers, bestialists, masocists, sadists, dominatrixes, slaves, and probably just about anything else you can think of. Well, almost, I don't know a single person who has ever tried necrophilia, but now I'm rambling. Anyays...

The point I'm trying to make is why does being gay mean you have to act like a faggot?

I have a friend named Craig. In high school I wrestled against Craig. He once held me in the splits for almost two minutes straight. My thighs have never been so sore. Craig's gay. Craig's faggot gay. I think he even once offered to give our AG 2nd in command (who is straight btw) a blowjob just for the hell of it, but don't quote me on that. Craig's a great guy. Once, me, my wife, AG Tom, Tom's roomate Ben, Tom's girlfriend, and Craig were partying at UofM. My wife and Craig were the only ones who were old enough to buy alcohol, so Craig bought for all of us. Some of us got pretty drunk. Well it wasn't long before we were busted (which seemed to happen everytime I got drunk at UofM). Cop comes in. Asks for I.D.'s from everyone, and quickly comes to the conclusion that there are only two people old enough to have bought all this liquor. By this point Craig is straight. Not just a gay guy pretending to be straight. He was so completely straight that a person with the most powerful gaydar in the world wouldn't detect it. Anyways, Ben was a jackass, but the cop still let us all off with a warning and made us flush the booze. But this was the first real realization of the Gay-Straight transformation that I had ever witnessed.

I have a friend named Shawn. Shawn works at the Suncoast video in the Mall here. Shawn gay. Shawn is faggot gay. And until recently, I thought Shawn was faggot gay all the time. A couple weeks ago a Nazi manly man came into the store. This guy emanted testosterone. You could smell it in the air. Shawn went up to him as he does all his customers and suddenly his promenent lisp was gone. He stopped talking with his hands. His ass didn't shake when he walked. He had become straight or at the very least, significantly less faggotty. This was when the topic started to form in my mind.

Now, I understand the idea of taking on roles of the opposite sex. Nothing gets me off like when my wife takes the dominate roll in our sex life and lets me be the more submissive one. But that lasts for about 15 minutes to a couple hours depending on how good the sex is, and then it is done. It's fun but I think it would get old if we continued to roleplay throughout our normal day to day lives. Take lesbians for example. Not all, but a great many have a tendancy to be a bit on the butch side. While this may have something to do with the testosterone and estrogene levels that also probably had something to do with them becoming lesbians, it still doesn't really make sense. I've seen the butchest of lesbians wear a dress and act like spoiled princesses. I can't say as I've known any converted lesbians both before and after to compare so I'm not going to push this issue to much. I know plenty of converted lesbians, but none of them I knew when they were straight.

I understand some people are like this naturally. In jr high and high school, there was a guy named Mike Henry, I think. He was a faggot. He didn't have to have sex with guys to be one. He was just naturally one. He'd always been one and he will always be one. He was completely incapable of the Gay-Straight transformation. I know a couple other people like this. They also went to Yale. But I won't mention there names as they are for all intensive purposes straight faggots. They don't have sex with guys, but they are still faggots. Not a bad thing, just something different. Maybe it's just that Yale produces these types of people. I don't know.

I know lots of bisexuals. Both men and women. And while some of the men become more faggotty during sex and the women more butch during sex, during their normal day to day activities they are straight. The men fix cars, hunt, scratch their balls, curse, spit, fart, etc. The women correct your grammer, toot, eat daintly, complain their fat, wear make-up, etc. Some seem to even be more manly or prissy then there respective counterparts, but I think thats just to cover up for the fact that they like to pack fudge and munch carpet behind closed doors.

So all in all, I know nothing more then when I started this little exploration into the minds of gay guys across the world. Why do the gay guys, who used to be straight, have to be faggots? Please if anyone can answer this, I would love to know. Human sexuality is what I live and breathe off of. I am dying to hear the comments on this one.