Insomnia does not taste great... But it is less filling.

I am an insomniac. Or at least I think I might be one. There is another possibility. I might just run on a 26 hour clock. If I let myself, when I have no constaints from work or anything else, I will go to bed two hours later and get up two hours later every day. This will continue until I have gone a full circle and am back where I started. If I never had to work or deal with real life, this would never be a problem. Unfortunately that isn't the case.

I'm chewing on wood right now, but I'll get to that later.

The problem arises when I got to bed later every night but still get up at time every day. Fortunately for me, my career offers a great deal of flexibilty in such things, but the rest of my life does not.

I almost choked to death right there. I am definately not cut out to be a beaver.

Eventually I end up pulling a double shift. I go to work one day, can't go to sleep all night, and end up just going to work the next day. Usually, that doesn't happen more then twice in a row before I collapse of exhaustion. When it goes on for longer, I usually find myself getting fired or severly fucking something up.

Ever have a sliver stuck in the side of your throat? Definately not pleasant.

Sometimes I can beat it. A few drinks to take the edge off and I can sleep as God intended. Sometimes, not even a fifth of tequilla can save my sorry ass. Tonite, I tried to beat it with some Frangelico. That stuff is delicious. If you've never had it, you definately need to try it. Its got kind of a nut flavor. And I think a little bit of a wood taste, but that could be something else.

Worse yet is when a sliver turns sideways and sticks in both sides of your throat.

At 9pm I went to bed. At 1am, I was still staring at the ceiling. So, I figured I'd get up, make a stiff drink and pass out. I was wrong. At the moment, our house is full of liqour but incredibly short of mixers. So I got out the blender. Maybe a shake would be good. Some "twig and berries" I thought to myself. "Twig and Berries" is a on-the-rocks drink that is a mixture of Amerreto and Frangelico. It's very good.

And the taste... It just won't fucking go away...

So I fill the blender up with what remains of my vanilla ice cream. Goto to grab some milk only to realize its spoiled. So, not being one to be beat so easily, I figure I'll just use the only easily available liquids in the house to get the ice cream to a more liquified state. Dumped the last of my Frangelico (about a pint). Some Amerreto (not quite a pint). The last of my cherry juice and the last of my grenadine. It smells a little strong, but its still a good smell. Usually, when I make a shake. I add some ice cream and some milk. Get it to the texture I want and then continue to add ice cream until I get the quantity I want. That works a lot better. Tonite, due to lack of sleep and mental capacity, I put in all the ice cream and then added the liquid to it. This didn't work so well. The ice cream wouldn't churn because there was too much in the blender. So I grabbed a wooden spoon and shoved it down. Success!

Contrary to popular belief, you can remove a sliver with beer.

I poured the mixture into a large plastic cup and took my first big gulp. It was delicious. Strong, but I like my drinks strong. A perfect flavor. And then I noticed something weird. There was a toothpick in my mouth. I chew on toothpicks all the time, but I didn't remember chewing on one tonite. Must have just been tired and forgot. So I spat out the remains of it and took another swig. Ahhh same great taste.. but... WHAT THE FUCK? There was another toothpick in my mouth. Someone had filled my delicious shake with toothpicks. The paranoia that sets in on long terms with out proper sleep was creeping into the back of my skull. Who the fuck would do such a thing? The kids were asleep. The wife was awake cuz she heard the blender at 1am in the morning, but she couldn't of done it. I never checked the cup before I poured into it. Must have been in there.

Contrary to what I just said... that is complete bullshit.

So I pulled them out. At least the ones I could see. They weren't toothpicks. Or if they were, somebody had already chewed them. It was then that I noticed the wooden spoon I had used. It was a lot shorter then I remembered it. Well, I'm sure this is gonna go over well in the morning when my wife finds it. It was her brand new one. But the drink was delicious and while I've been writing this, I did manage to choke it down. And I mean that in the most literal way possible.

I'm gonna wake up with this thing still stuck in my fucking throat. I know it. I just know it.