A Fun Story

I love fire. Fire is fucking nutz. So is setting your ass on fire. Well at least it's nutz for everyone else. In all my years of driving and crashing into things the closest I ever came to setting a vehichle on fire was my escort. The engine was on fire so I threw some snow on it and slamed the hood and it put itself out. Not all that nutz. However when I was in Philidelphia, me and a friend of mine were on the roof of our hotel watching the cars go by. It was shortly after they came out with the Viper 'cuz I remember we saw 6 or 7 Vipers go by that day and thought it was really cool. After a while we went to the other side of the building and watched traffic in a not so nice part of town. It was then that I got to see a bunch of punk rocker-like dressed people pushing a car on fire over the top of a hill. When they got it going down the hill it looked just like a giant fireball. They let go of it and it eventually hit something 'cuz I heard it but there were buildings in the way. It would have been nutz to see what it hit. Oh well.

Also today something very nutz happened to me. The 2nd most nutz animal thing to ever happen to me. The first was when I got to ride on the back of a sea turtle while scuba diving in Hawaii. Today I was cutting hay. I was covered with all the bugs whose homes I had just destroyed. Most of these bugs weren't very happy with me and kept biting me. So I kept killing them. However, at one point a praying mantis landed on my shoulder. I very rarely see them so I let him stay. After a couple minutes he turned to a peachish brown sorta color to match my skin tone. Then another one landed on my leg. He didn't camoflage with the denim very well. After about 5-10 minutes of them sitting on me, a little bug landed on my shoulder right in front of the first one. I was real careful not to move much and eventually it paid off cuz the praying mantis snapped him up and ate him. With the exception of the discovery channel and watching them bite the head off their man when I'd put 'em together in a glass jar when I was little, I've never seen them eat anything. It was nutz. I felt like a rhinocerous. With the little bird that eats all the bugs off of 'em. 'Cept a bird would eat a praying mantis. And I'm not nearly as big or smelly as a rhinocerous. Well not as big anyways. But praying mantisi are a lot more nutz then stupid birds anyways. After it ate, the one on my leg flew off, then the one on my shoulder flew off. I watched it fly into the hayfield slightly infront of me. Then I ran it over and chopped it into little gooey bug pieces. I am nuts.



07.12.90 The Time I Thought I Could Fly

Once there was this time when I thought I could fly. I would jump off of high roof tops and scream as I fell. I broke many bones and fractured my skull more then 4 times. The doctors said that I would never be able to fly again after that. So later that day I killed myself. Just kidding, all of that was a lie. I was originally going to tell you about the time I had a gay sexual experience, but I was to embarrassed to tell you about that... so I lied... I'm a lying faggot... I'm going to hell for sure now.
~Freddy's Diary Entry contributed by nameless other.