Another Religious Rant

WARNING WARNING WARNING!!!!

HUGE FUCKING DISCLAIMER!!!

This is going to be a religious rant. If you are easily offended by such things, stop reading. No, I mean it, stop reading, right now. All it's gonna do is piss you off, maybe give you a heart attack or an ulcer and nobody wants that. So just stop reading. If you can't watch Kevin Smith's "Dogma" and not get offended, you need to stop reading right now. I don't want to hurt anyone. I support world peace and love and happiness and how can I accomplish all that if you're just gonna keep reading and get all pissed off and start spreading hate and violence in a bunch of anoymous post replies. I mean even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the platypus.


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Okay. Now that's done I can get to the meat and potatoes.

Some people consider me a Christian. Now, I have my doubts about the accuracy of that. It's not that I disagree with them, it's that I'm not sure they see the whole picture, as is a common problem among Christian views or any other nailed down religion. (did ya catch between the lines there? lol) You see Christianity has really only one requirement for membership. I happen to fulfill that particular requirement. I guess it never occurred to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John to make more then one requirement or to put some lesser requirements in there. But really can you blame them? It's not like they were all seeing or all knowing (though supposably their backer was...) I mean, hell, who could have foreseen someone like me? I know I wouldn't have expected it if I was them. (well maybe if I was really omniscent or knew how to spell omniscent...)

Ya see, I don't want to goto heaven. No desire whatsoever. To me, heaven is little more then a glorified minimum security prison where they make you watch Shirley Temple videos and force feed you diet caffeine free coke. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to go to hell either. If I HAVE to choose between a minimum security prison with a library and internet access or a maximum security pound me in the ass with a spiked steel dildo, I'm gonna take the happy one. But if I had my choice, I'd take neither. Let me float in limbo, or purgatory, or become part of the Matrix, or be ghost. (then I could haunt people. that would be so cool!!)

Does this make me not a Christian? Beats me, but its definitely cause for concern. Or maybe it just time God invested in a new retirement program for his faithful.

The other day, I was looking at a Satanist site. Now, I have no desire to worship Satan. Cheering on the universal antagonist, doesn't really float my boat. But I like to learn about other religions. My gray matter absorbs religious bullshit like a fucking sponge. If someone ever squeezes it, it'll ooze out hypothetical crap for days on end. (try washing that off your hands after a good wringing...) So there I was, reading the Satanic commandments. And one of them was "responsibility to those responsible." I loved it. Why can't Christianity have something like this. If anything Christianity believes in the very opposite. If something good happens to you, it's God's fault. If something bad happens to you, it's God's fault. Now, before you argue that, how many times have you been told "God is testing you?" Well God's tested me an awful fucking lot so far and I'm about done with that. If I got to pay a 10% of my income tuition for the rest of my life to be fucking tested, I want to see my goddamn report card. And when do I fucking graduate? Where's my fucking diploma? U of M doesn't even rape you that bad on tuition.

If people took responsibility for their own actions instead of blaming them on coincidence, acts of a random deity, or Bob Saget, there'd be a lot less problems with the world. (well maybe not if everyone blamed Bob Saget...)

Anyways, I guess I'm done. But here is a little tidbit for all you easily offended assholes who ignored the warning and kept reading. You're probably the same people who get all fucking up tight about people saying "Xmas" like their trying to take the Christ out of Christmas or something. Well go fuck yourselves cuz your idiots. This usage is nearly as old as Christianity itself, and its origins lie in the fact that the first letter in the Greek word for 'Christ' is 'chi,' and the Greek letter 'chi' is represented by a symbol similar to the letter 'X' in the modern Roman alphabet. Hence 'Xmas' is indeed perfectly legitimate abbreviation for the word 'Christmas' (just as 'Xian' is also sometimes used as an abbreviation of the word 'Christian').

Happy Xmas ya'll!