Customer Service

Today I'd like to rant a bit about one of my favorite bitch topics: Customers. I work a pair of jobs where I must frequently deal with the public. One at a movie theatre, the other in the service and repair department at a corporate giant which I will not name here but it is definately NOT Best Buy. Now, most customers are good, decent people. Most of them are there to do there business, they understand and obey the rules, they act maturely and leave when finished. It is the Wretched Ones, however, that stand out the most and leave the most emotional scarring. I will attempt to organize these terrible folk into a few archetypes.

"Your competitor is better than you."

These people, possibly looking for you to cut them a deal of some sort, will go on about the things that the theatre across down does better than your establishment. This is done in such a way that they seem to expect you to break down and cry. I don't know about you but for me, my job is a fucking paycheck. Does the Goodrich theatre across town have better popcorn than we do? Really? GREAT. Is there anything else I can do for you? This sort of conversation sometimes takes place when a customer is pissed about something, but it often will take place out of the blue.

"I spend a lot of money in this store, therefore you should break the rules for me."

My main job over at NOT Best Buy is PC repair. I often get into the following sort of scenario with customers:

- "Ok sir, assuming that we don't find anything else wrong it will be $59 for us to remove the viruses and spyware on your system."
- "What? Look, I just bought this thing (2 years ago) and you're telling me now that you're gonna CHARGE me to fix it?"
- "That's correct, sir."
- "That's bullshit! Doesn't this store stand behind the products you sell?"
- "Well, sir. We had nothing to do with the fact that you allowed your computer to become infected with viruses. The product you purchased is not defective. Perhaps while we're at it, you'd like to purchase antivirus software that is less than 2 years old?"
- So you're telling me I'm going to have to pay for this."
- "Yes"
- "And you're not going to fix this for free."
- "Correct."
- "This is bullshit. I spend hundreds of dollars in this store every year. I wanna talk to your manager!"

"I'd like a ticket for Richard Gere."

I'm not sure why, but it really irritates the shit out of me when a customer walks up and asks to buy a ticket when they don't know the name of the movie. They usually either:
A) Ask for a ticket by the name of the star in the movie. I know that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter, but it's grossly disrepectful to the hundreds of people who contributed the film who are NOT named Harrison Ford. Sort of like your boss or coworker getting credit for all of the work you do.
B) They will absolutely butcher the title of the film. "Shall We Dance" becomes "Let's Dance." Or people will shorten the title, saving the precious seconds that would've been wasted by speaking the other three words in the title. "Polar Express" becomes "Polar." "I'd like two for Stepford." "I'd like three for Mountain." STUPID.

"I'm really important so I need my computer fixed RIGHT AWAY unlike the 15 people whose machines are already being worked on."

People just don't understand. Every person who drops off their PC generally wants it back as soon as possible. Some people do not seem to understand or respect the good old 'first come first served' rule. When the people whose PCs have been there longer call up bitching and moaning I guess I should just tell them that someone more important came in and we had to fix their machine first.

"That movie was awful. I want my money back."

You don't go to a restaurant, eat your entire meal, and then ask for a refund. Don't go to a movie theatre, watch an entire movie and then ask for a refund. We didn't make the movie. It's not our fault you decided to go watch Taxi instead of any other film ever made.

"This has to be sent out for service? I am rather angry, good sir."

When a product is covered by the manufacturer's warranty, it is just that. Manufacturer. If they say to replace it, we replace it. If they say to service it, we service it. What we're doing is saving you the bullshit hassle of contacting the manufacturer then mailing it out yourself, fuckstick.

"If I bitch, yell, and swear enough I will get whatever I want."

This one hardly needs an explanation. We've all seen it. People try to see if they can get something for free by making a scene. This behavior is also common in 4 year old children. What pisses me off is when managers give them what they want. When an employee follows policy, the manager should stand by that employee. Otherwise it makes the rules look stupid. It also makes the employee look stupid.