A batch of random thoughts
EA Sucks: Ok, so maybe not. Or at least, maybe not completely. A few months ago, Electronic Arts signed a contract with the NFL to make NFL teams, logos and players exclusive to EA's games. This means that EA's perennial king of sports video games Madden Football will be the only option out there for those who want to play a football video game. No competition means no one out there to push EA to make their games better. It also means no choices for consumers. It also sucks bigtime. Other companies can now only make football games without NFL teams and players; those will be about as appealing to football fans as bottled vomit.
You see, this past year Sega released their annual David to EA's Madden Goliath: ESPN NFL 2k5. This year, Sega dropped the retail price to $20. And it was a great game, at least as good as Madden. Like a bully who wants all the ice cream for himself, EA made sure there would be no NFL 2k6. Not by making a better product, not by dropping their price, but by simply eliminating the competition. O'Doyle Rules!
This isn't completely EA's fault though. It's my understanding that the NFL offered several options to all of the video game designers. Exclusivity was one of those options (no doubt really fucking expensive) and Micro$oft....er, I mean Electronic Arts snapped the deal up. Good for business, bad for customers. They also purchased shares in game company Ubisoft, giving the corporate giant 20% share in one of their competitors. Ubisoft's PR department called the move "hostile." Fuckers.
How I'm like Couch: I'm nuts like Couch. We all know that. I'm also semi-magical, like Couch. It's been staring me in the face for years, I just never realized it. So I can't fly, I can't see in the dark, but I'm never late for work. I have an internal alarm clock. Unless everyone has one, this makes me semi-magical. You see, I hate mornings. When that alarm goes off, I usually end up hitting the snooze 17 times before getting up. Sometimes I shut the fucker off altogether. Or I forget to set it in the first place. And every time, I wake up on my own about 5 minutes before I have to leave for work. Even when the power has gone out during the night, I still wake up at the last minute. I'd rather have an internal combustion engine, but I'll settle for the internal alarm clock.
Personality disorders: Last night I went to Meijer's after work to do a little shopping. I was tired and I started having these odd thoughts I've always had as far as I can remember. Kat and I were walking towards the checkout and as I was walking past the display for plums, my mind began to race. I wondered what would happen if I actually began picking up the plums and rifling them at people. Once the people fled, I'd start nailing displays and standees. What would happen if I actually did this? Not joking about it, not talking about it, but honest-to-god doing it? One thought kept creeping up:
How long before they could take me down?
posted by
@ 12:01 AM
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5 Comments:
i have no auto alarm. i have no auto anything when it comes to sleep.
I would give you at least 10 minutes before you were really under pressure. I figure it would take approximately 5 minutes before the distrubance was noticed by enough people that the security guards were notified. In the meijers your referring to security cameras are incredibly rare in the produce section and the few that are there are mostly focused on the deli registers. Then figure another 5 minutes for them to come up with a proper plan of action and to assemble it. After that, its pretty much a toss up as to wether or not they have projectile weapons as well, and how many plums you have left after 10 minutes of throwing them at customers and display stands.
I hadn't considered my ammunition supply. Still there's plenty of fruit. Pineapples aren't very aerodynamic, but you make do with what you have.
I think the main question is: Is Meijer's security authorized to use force? Or would the police be called in?
I think their security would try to handle it first. If they called the police you would probably have a lot more time on your hands. PH cops ain't exactly fast. Too many Tim Hortons and such.
You could probably throw a pineapple like a football. And as pokey and hard as those things are I think you could do some real damage. A lot more then a plum anyways. Pomegrates and coconuts would be your best bet though. They have a real hard shells and are aerodynamic enough to get some real power behind em.
The pinapple would fly like a nerf vortex. It would devestate targets. I'd be a fan of bags of flour. They would cast a cloud of debris to aid in your escape.
the only problem with the bags of flour is that they are in the baking isle. which is the opposite end of the produce. but if you stopped there first with a shopping cart you could pick up enough to get you by as long as you only used them once and a while.
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