The Chicken Matrix
I am a big fan of KFC's popcorn chicken. In fact, it's about the only thing on the menu I really care for. Now, one day a couple of months ago I was loudly extolling the many qualities of popcorn chicken in the break room where I work (NOT Best Buy.) This prompted someone in the room to launch into a rant of their own. Theirs was much more interesting. This person said "Hey. You never see any advertisements for Kentucky Fried Chicken anymore, do you? No, you don't. It's always KFC now. Know why?" I replied that while I knew that popcorn chicken was terrific, I did not know why it was only KFC now. "It's not chicken" he said. "It's genetically engineered food grown in science labs and made to taste like chicken" he said (or something to that effect.)
I went to the KFC website looking for more information. I expected to find either nothing at all or a small blurb about manufactured chickens. I found what I was looking for here, and after studying the page for over 10 seconds, it certainly appeared as if KFC was doing things the old fashioned way. I had been planning on making a documentary called The Truth Behind the Lies: The Chicken Matrix....
Unfortunately, no one can be told what Chicken Matrix is. You must see for yourself.
I couldn't find a picture of the fields from The Matrix. So here's a dead chicken instead. Imagine fields that look like this. Very disturbing.
I've seen them, Couch. Vast fields where chickens are no longer hatched....they're grown. As long as Chicken Matrix exists, we will never truly be free.
At least, that's how it would have gone if KFC weren't hatching their boring fucking chickens, killing them in humane ways, processing them and feeding them to me in the form of delicious popcorn chicken. Fuckers.
Anyways, try dipping the popcorn chicken in your mashed potatoes and gravy. It is divine. At least as far as fake chicken is concerned.
Fields of dead chicken fetuses or no, that's some good chicken!
posted by
@ 12:01 AM
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1 Comments:
funny you should rant about chicken. thats what i made for dinner for everyone here tonite. chicken cordon bleu and chicken kiev. the cordon bleu was both excellent and incredibly filling. unfortuantely it was so filling that i didnt get to try my own chicken kiev. im hoping there was leftovers so i can have some later.
my biggest complaint about kfc is they dont have gizzards. lees chicken has gizzards. and while i wouldnt call gizzards in and of themselves exactly great, they usually come with a heart, and in my personally opinion, the undercooked heart of fowl meat is some of the best meat a person can ever taste. while i prefer raw duck heart, raw chicken heart is a very close second.
why cant they serve it my way? i want it raw on a platter and still fucking beating? whatever happened to the customer is always right. chicken matrix my ass. i want em fresh off the chopping block. bloody, full of flavor, and still fuckin twitchin. I WANT IT MY WAY!!!
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