The Great Food Fight of 96

This is a high school story. I haven't thought of the food fight of 96 in some time, but it is a memory worth sharing.

It all started about a week before the fight actually happened. The AG were still in high school. I was in english class. That english class was the kind of place where you invented games like 4 player 15X15 battleship and played it to it's conclusion over the course of 4 days. Well it was in this class that a girl says.. "We should have a food fight." Another girl replied, "YEAH.. that's sounds great." As the two talked about it, it gained more and more popularity amongst the other students. The others would bring up questions and the 2 girls made the decisions. Eventually the question of when arrived. They consulted the lunch menu and arrived at a single historic conclusion. "One week from today, 'Taco Salad day' will be great."

Our high school's Taco Salad was 25% meat, 3% lettuce, and 72% sauce. Once Airborne the particles seperate firing the sauce in about a jillion directions. Taco Salad was simply chosen for it's destructive powers.

There was one other thing mentioned before class was over that day. We were to "wait for the signal." Someone was to yell, "WHOOO-HA" prior to the first shot being fired. In all actuality, this was probably the least organized piece of the operation.

In the week leading up to the event, word spread like wildfire. Everyone knew about it, jocks, bookworms, idiots, the AG, and the administration. There wasn't a soul there that didn't know Taco Salad day was to be armeggedon. The only thing that wasn't determined was which of the 2 school lunches would be hit. It probably worked better that way in that both had the oppertunity to receive battle, and it would throw off the teachers as to which lunch to defend. As 1st lunch passed without incident, the teachers breathed a bit easier.

I was in the second lunch period. The first thing I noticed was there were a TON of teachers present. They circled us like spyplanes. The enemy was prepared. As the lunch neared completion everyone looked at the table that was making the most noise. They was banging on the table and yelling. It sounded like the sound the orcs made in The Two Towers just before charging Helm's Deep. Probably the most respected teacher in the place, Mr. Marcetti moved in and sat among them. For a couple seconds I thought that would have some kind of impact. But gears had been set in motion that could not be stopped. One plate went skyward. Mr. Marcetti pointed as someone, and that was the last I saw of him that day.

The fight was geometric. One plate, two plates, four plates, one table, two tables, a row of tables, two rows of tables, etc. As the blast wave reached us, we began to flee. Hannes Jones fell in some sour cream and I remember lifting him off the battlefield with somebody else. Couch threw a full can of Mt. Dew into the fray and ran. AG Tom vaulted a table. There was utter chaos as the sky rained salad dressing.

By the end, the room was destroyed and the students were standing near the walls cheering for the waste they had laid. I returned to my table to get my swiss cake rolls. There were plates, meat, sauce, and lettuce everywhere. Some asshole nobody liked was screaming about a Mt. Dew can hitting him in the eye.

After it was over the teachers sent the people they had fingered as throwing stuff to the office. A janitor quit over the affair. Taco Salad was banned for over a year. I got sour cream on my pants and had to clean it. Couch got a Silver Wombat Award. Mr_Nuts was bummed out because he had the first lunch where nothing happened. Most importantly though, I got to write this story. Some administrator was quoted as saying that it was probably the most organized, efficient, and messiest food fight he'd ever seen.

Good times.