blowjobs all around

Little blue haired ladies in their big black oldsmobiles:
if any of you happened to have been dribing through port huron today you may have noticed a blue car driving like a complete asshole. cuting across two lanes of traffic at a time. cutting people off. passing people on the shoulder. running red lights. in other words, a collector of middle fingers and "HEY YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!"'s. well that was me. i got a key to my car made finally. it only cost me $110. $60 for towing. $30 for the key to be cut. And $20 for carfax.com to help find the original key codes. i do have thirty days of carfax.com if anyone wants to know anything about a car for the next thirty days. the reason it was that cheap was becuase the guy in charge of service at cawoods, hunts behind my dads house so he didnt charge me the $120 for labor, and machine time. it was nice driving my buick again. ive got all the bad driving that had been storing up for about a month now out of my system. now i can go back to my normal amount of bad driving. now if only i could fix the headlights, brakes, engine, trans, power sterring, power windows, and the power antenea, id be all set.


The Shoplifting Housewife:
i just got back from meijers, where we bought lexi's (lois daughter) birthday present for her party tommarrow. we got two dvds, a little strawberry shortcake toy, developed pictures, a ice cream snickers bar (for me), a klondike bar (for stacey), and an outfit for trinity. the first thing we picked up was the pictures. they came a day late so we got them for free. next we got the dvds. they were marked 12.99 but rang up for only 9.99 a piece. after that we went and got the toy. i dont remember what it ws priced at but it came up the same. stacey went to checkout while i stopped to look at magic cards. magic sucks. its expensive. yugio... now theres a real mans game. aww shit ya. anyways. miejers has a thing with ice cream stuff in it up by the cash registers so i got a couple things outta there. i found stacey and she took the ice cream from me cuz she was afraid i was gonna melt it just by touching it. why does everyone think im a fucking demon? so what if my skin is hot to the touch and i can evaporate puddles of water that i touch. its not like im magical or anything. maybe like-magical, but definately not magical. its like capitolism. AHH!! AHH!! AHH!! AHH!! AHHHHH!!!!! well we went thru the line got all our discounts and i took my ice cream snikers bar from stacey and ate it before it melted completely. we got out to the van and started putting the stuff away when i noticed there was an outfit hanging in the cart. at this point we had already saved over $12 on discounts and freebes. but that wasnt good enough. my wife had decided to go the way of the common criminal and steal a $10 outfit that had been clearanced 50% off. she had to take off with another $5 of meijers hard earned money. i cant believe i married a shoplifter.

p.s. on another note. when we got back to the van she tried to go back and pay for it. but i told her she had already committed the crime so shed just have to step up and pay the price. (by keeping it and not telling meijers about it).



"I dont typically judge people, but that man looks just like a child molestor." ~PF