Fucking In The Dark

Last night was my forth annaversiry. ive been married for four years. thats not really that hard to believe when you think about it. whats really amazing though is that someone has actually been married to me for four years. in the words of mr t: "I pity the foo." i dont know if theres actually going to be a punchline to this so dont expect one. i ordered flowers delivered yesterday cuz my wife said shed be home all day. of course this was just a clever ruse for her to leave the house and go grocery shopping. but i didnt know that. i told the flower shop that i wanted to spend around $35 and that i wanted some white roses put in it, as besides orcids they are my favorite flower. (and black roses dipped in blood). she takes down all my info and my credit card info and after all that i think that maybe i should ask her how much the bill was. im thinking, common sense it should be about $35 +tax whatever that figures out to be. FUCK NO. $45. i mean what the hell its not like its a hotel where they give you the room total per night and then add 213% hotel tax and 146% city tax and 769% rape you up the ass tax. its a flower shop. i know im not up to date on all the stupid taxes but is there really that much tax on flowers? anyways... they got delivered while my wife was out. and since noone was home they gave em to the neighbors. and left a note upside down on the deck that said "Lefl Blower Cross Street." that was fun to decipher. especially since she didnt know she was getting flowers. as some of you know we live in a trailer park (hoorah for white trash). i have about 10 house that order ours and since i live on a corner lot about 6 of them are across the street. well on her third house she finally guess the right one and the lady responded with "oh i was gonna come bring em to ya when i finished my next load of luandry." how fucking trailer park is that?
well i took off work early (as has become my regular habit of late) stopped at miejers to pick up some fresh basil. and while i was there we lost power. and apperently everyone lost power. i figure with this many people outta power theres gonna be a lotta fucking going on. no tv, no radios, no computers, cant open the fridge or use the microwave or electirrc stove. nothing to do but fuck. hoo-aah. being it was my anniversary, ya know i was doing it. and im sure about 80% of the rest of the people in the dark were to. oh also i cut down the tree in front of my house with a coping saw. that was fun. i figure in about 9 monthes were gonna have a big ole baby boom. all those yuppies in there mid thirties and forties getting it on, whippin out the lubricant to soften up those crusty parts taht havent been used in a few monthes or years. yup 2022 is gonna be the class year of all the graduates with grampas and grannies for parents. though in todays day and age some of em might be grampas and grampas or grannies and grannies. or herma afrodites and ben suttons. its hard to say what alls gonna come outta this. i got my power back on around 330 this morning so i had to stop fucking and return to normal life (as if i could ever get it on for that long anyways). i think im skipping work. i dont think my alarm went off so im sleeping. dont tell my boss, Joe "The Hammer" Sopha. im feeling about as sentimental as an over the hill greeting card written on used toilet paper. well im gonna go watch tv and put stuff in the microwave, and anything else that requires electrictity and while im doing it im gonna be thinking of all you poor bastards who dont have it back on yet. HAW HAW HAW. life sucks dont it? ~couch.

Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
"If he turn of my alarm again, I'm gonna stab him with a fork." ~LP