Sick and Disturbing Tales: The Window to Horror

Most winters I take off from my usual carreer of doing whatever the fuck I want and go down to Auburn Hills to work for a display shop known as the George P. Johnson Company. They are the guys who create and build the displays for many of your big weekend shows. Namely the autoshows. Usually, I work on the Chrysler display, so if you thought this past years sucked, well so did I, but it paid really fucking well, well enough actually that I afford to spend the rest of my year being a fuck off.

Two years ago, I met a guy by the name of Kevin. Kevin was your normal looking and acting carpenter. He liked to hit the bar after work. Smoked every chance he could. Made racist and gay jokes like they were going out of style. Typical construction worker. Now the thing about most construction workers is that they have somehow acheived the right to berate gays, lesbians, blacks, or anyone else that isnt a WASP, by being very "normal" people. They cheat on their wives, goto gay bars to beat em up in the parking lot, run over cats, and go hunting every year for one week without fail. They also always own 1 rv, 2 atvs, 2 jetskis, a boat, a pickup truck, and a dog.

Kevin fit most of this. But Kevin had a secret side. Kevin liked things dirty, Kevin liked things really dirty. And noone knew. Except me. Becuase I am not your typical construction worker, and I have an innate ability to sniff out whats hiding in other peoples closets becuase its probably hiding in mine as well.

The best part of working at GPJ's, is the money. It consistently a lot. I've had paychecks that grossed over $4K. Thats a lot of money for a po'dunk mother fucker like me. Especially for only one week of work. The second best part is all the free materials. GPJ lets it employees have just about anything they want as far as wood and other building materials. The only rule is that it has to be scrap. For example: I need a peice of plywood thats 2' X 4'. If the type I need only comes in 4' x 10' that means that their will be 4' x 8' of scrap left. I'm sure you can see how quickly this can be abused. And it is.

Kevin didn't take advantage of it much. Nor did I for that matter. But one day Kevin got an idea. I'm not sure where he got it from though I'd have to guess the internet. But he came in one day and spent his lunch break cutting out a 3' x 3' piece of 1/2" clear plexiglass. He took extra care to round all the edges so that nothing could possibly cut anyone. That same lunch, I happened to be doing a similar thing as I was working on making a replacement window for the house I was staying in at the time. I got to talking with Kevin and begin to notice the unusual amount of care he was putting into rounding the edges. Like he was really worried about someone getting cut on it. So I explained what I had intended to do with mine hoping he'd return with an answer for his. He didn't. Being my blunt self, I outright asked him:

"So, a, Kevin, whatcha got planned for that peice right there, making a end table or something?"

"Noooope... Got somethin else in mind for this baby right here..." as he continued to star at the piece looking for any possible flaws.

I pushed, "Well, what you plannin on then? Ya sure did a nice job roundin here down."

"Aw, you don't wanna know." replied Kevin.

Well that got me all the more curious and thats when I knew for sure that what he had planned for it was definately not a "normal" household project. So I answered, "Well now I really want to know. Come on, you can tell me, it ain't like its gonna weird me out or anything." And I was telling the truth. I had purple hair at the time so he knew there was some validity to what I was saying.

Well Kevin got this big ole shit eating grin on his face like a kid who just found out where mommy hides the christmas prestents. He set the pane down on the bench he'd been working at, turned to me so that he was in whispering distance and whispered "so i can watch my wife poop." and then turned back to working on his project as if nothing had happened. It took me a bit to get more out of him but I finally gathered that he intended to take the piece home, lay down on his back and hold it over his face. His wife would then squat over him and take a "poop" on his face. I went home and threw up.

I saw my wife fart once. We were both naked, she was laying on her stomach and I was laying with my head resting on her legs. I looked up at her just as she popped. I don't want to ever see that again. And I sure as hell don't want to see it with shit coming out at the same time.

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!