Childhood Trauma: Seymore is a Fake

As a kid growing up, my family was big on local hockey games. I grew up in the little town of Port Huron, Michigan. At the time, the Port Huron Flags were the team in town. They played in a stadium called McMorran Place. To a kid, it's gigantic and always seemed to smell cool.

The mascot for the Port Huron Flags was Seymore. Seymore was an orange and white dog. He was always bouncing around waving at people. To me, Seymore was a hell of a lot more interesting than the game itself.

One day my Grandfather pointed out that Seymore was headed our way. I was excited to see this and got ready to meet Seymore. He was bouncing up the stairs in our section.. closer.. and closer he came.

Then something happened that scared me for a few years and enough that a 3 year old would remember this forever. Another man appraoached Seymore and must've said something like, "Hey Bernie, you in there?" An exchange insued and soon enough, Seymore raised his powerful front paws, grasped his face, and proceeded to decapitate himself with a fair amount of trouble.

I screamed. "SEYMORE!!!" Beneath Seymore's mask dwelled a dirty, ugly, bald man who in no way personified bouncing and waving. He was a vile creature. My illusion was shattered. All at once I knew I had been duped and that Seymore was an Illusion created by an ugly, vile, bald man.

I hate mascots.