Big Black Worms

STUPID GODDAMN FUCKING LAPTOP. FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK PISSCHRIST.

I know this means nothing. But I was about 90% done with this when I accidentally bumped the stupid mouse on this piece of shit and it erased all my work. No getting it back. Just fucking gone. Normally at this point I would just give up, write an apology note saying it was really good and start drinking. However since my work life has been killing me lately and I really need to write something to entertain myself before I go insane, I’m going to try this again. As I am now in a fairly rotten mood, it will doubtfully be as good as the original as the first is always the best and the most raw.

At the advice of my wife, I’m now using MS word instead of trying to do it in yahoo mail composer. At least this has auto save. I thought about sending it from my gmail account but gmail is really lousy at sending an email to now over 50 people. Also because of the increasing numbers I’m going to only use BCC from now on. I did change the reply to address to my gmail so I will actually read them. A friend suggested I do an internet blog. I’m not exactly sure how to do that but I do think I might look into it soon. Anyways… here I go… for the second time….

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WORMS
I got called into work today. I had to set the grade for a new culvert that was going in for a driveway we are putting in later this month. Fortunately it was only a few miles away so I didn’t have to drive far. I packed up my gear, hopped in the company truck, and drove over to meet my dad (he was running the excavator and would be doing all the actual “work”) at the site. I set up my equipment, checked the existing culverts and ditches and figured out what the appropriate grades were. After a couple minutes we got started digging. About two minutes into it, I noticed a something odd in the mud/clay ditch. It looked like it was about ¾ of an inch wide. It was black and resembled a section of an earthworm. I could only see a small section of it though. Being the ever curious little boy, I crouched down to give further investigation. It seemed way too big to be a worm so I dug it up. Well ¾” turned out to be an understatement. The thing was about 1 ¼” wide and about 6 to 7 inches long. In short it was about as big as my dick. Well maybe a little skinnier. It even had a strong resemblance to an uncircumcised penis. I am sure it wasn’t mine though as mine is circumcised, and is not detachable or black. I figured it had to be one of three things.

1. An (only average length) runaway penis belonging to a uncircumcised black male.

2. An African earthworm as it was both black and significantly bigger than any red or white worm I’ve ever seen (the few white worms I have seen were rather small. Kinda sucks when you think about it).

3. A leech was my father’s take on it. (though I doubt he has seen a naked black man as he’s a bit racist so his opinion may have been a bit biased.)

Well I quickly eliminated the 2nd option as I do not live in Africa, and I’ve never seen or heard of an African earthworm. Because I knew that leeches were a real creature, I couldn’t eliminate the 3rd option as easily. I’ve never seen a leech in real life. I’ve only seen pictures of them in artist renderings and in movies. Actually I can only think of one movie I’ve seen them in. speed 2: cruise control. Not a very good movie, but it did have lots of leeches in it. I had thought they were smaller though. So that left me with only one option to test if it was a leech or not. I picked it up, placed it on my left arm, and waited. It was slimy. It was really gross. In fact now that I think about it, I have no idea why in the hell I actually put that thing on my arm. Well it didn’t do anything. It flopped around a bit, left a snail trail, and fell off. It definitely had a mind of its own. Just like a typical male penis. And it seemed that its primary goal was to get back into a “hole”… just like a male penis. Besides, the only thing I know of besides a snail, that leaves a snail trail is a male penis. Or a really wet woman. But this didn’t resemble one of those. SOOOO if ya’ll know anyone that is missing there penis, tell them to give me a call and ill point them in the right direction.

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Well I was going to write more as I have lots more to write about. And the fact that I already wrote it all once (about 4 pages worth) is still pissing me off. So I’m going to go to bed now and if I’m feeling like it later I’ll write the rest. If not well at least I though it was funny.

For anyone who is bored here’s a great website to check out: http://www.immediatefamily.org/whipstock2004.html
I think we’re going to try and go to next year’s if we can get in.

“Don’t park your cars on the grass. Didn’t you read the rules and regulations?” ~my stupid fat bitch neighbor who was to lazy to get out of her chair and yelled that out her window at Jimbob for parking in MY lawn.