Game Review: World of Warcraft

Reviewing games is like entering a brave new world for me. My loyal readers and fans can rest assured that I will treat these with the same respect and professionalism that I treat my movie reviews. Maybe less so, actually. Perhaps I'll throw in a bit of Interweb Humor, EL OH EL. After all, fives of tens of people are going to read this. We aim to entertain! Actually, if you aren't a gamer you probably won't give a shit and should quit reading now. But don't let that stop you!

Those of you who know me know that the first thing I did upon loading this game up was make a Tauren character. That's alotta cow, folks!

World of Warcraft is my first real foray into the world of MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online RolePlaying Games) or "Mmmore Pigs" as some like to refer to them. Let me just dispense with the formalities and tell you that WoW is pretty fucking great. It's like Diablo II on steroids; not that it's necessarily better, it just has its steroids. Fans of D2 will find similarities here. The game definitely has that distinctive Blizzard feel and quality we've come to expect from the company: they've never released a bad game in my opinion: Warcraft 1, 2 and 3, Starcraft and both Diablo games. Byunga!

WoW is fairly easy to jump into for new players. My brief flirtation with Everquest was, well it's too late to think of a good analogy, but it was really damn complicated and pissed me off. WoW didn't do that. It starts you off with some easy quests that help ease you into the action. After a couple of hours I had gained a few levels and felt fairly competent. The game always feels challenging but never overwhelming. You are free to go where you like and do whatever makes you happy in the game. You can quest, kill the endless supply of enemies, hang out in town and roleplay or go searching for raw materials for your profession.

If roleplaying is your thing, you can play as a little pink haired gnomish girl, go into a tavern and dance on the table (look closely.)

The PvP system is also very smooth; Another player may challenge you to a duel and you may accept or decline. No more being stalked by high level characters being manned by 14 year old kids with little man's syndrome. Duels are simply for bragging rights and fun; Nothing is lost by either player. It works much like Pokemon - they don't die, they only faint. The party system is also quality. You can join up and disband parties pretty quickly, and you can share out the many quests to your party members so everyone is gaining from the adventure. For you D2 fans out there, items no longer drop as they did in D2; The person who is credited with the kill gets the right to loot the corpse. In parties, the leader chooses from several loot sharing options.

I realize that I have not been humorous at all to this point, so here's a fun fact: I've seen Jimbob's balls. I have a picture of them on my computer. Yet neither of us are gay, to my knowledge. Figure that one out!

I know what you're thinking. "Bryan, I've been a gamer for a long time. I have never been able to mine underwater in a game. I demand satisfaction!" Yes, WoW features underwater mining. It really is that hardcore!

Professions are a welcome part of the game, probably my favorite. Each character may choose 2 primary professions and any number of secondary ones. Primary professions are divided between crafting skills and gathering skills, most of which go hand in hand. For example, my undead priest has Herbalism and Alchemy for his two professions. He gathers different plants (herbalism) and uses them in potions (alchemy.) Rock the fucking house! You only improve these skills by using them and being trained by NPCs. And with 8 races and 9 classes there are plenty of options to keep one busy.

The game encourages party cooperation though, at least thusfar, it is not totally necessary. Many quests will be much easier with a few allies along for the ride though. The game's only shortcomings are common to all online games: Lag and childish assholes. The ones that talk like HotGrrl_15. That and the monthly fee of $15. That kinda sucks, but my fiance and I both play the hell out of it and you pay more than that for your damnable cable television so get off my goddamn back already, I'm a veteran!

Zug Zug! World of Warcraft earns 4 orcish peons out of 4.